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[14 Apr 2008|09:01pm] |
love matters on that someone in the end
no matter how much i do love you
you will always feel that i dont mean it
and when it comes to a breaking point
i doubt i have the courage
to stay alway from you ever again
the cuts, are a reminder of what is pain.
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[13 Apr 2008|02:02am] |
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one day, i hope, when i fall, you will be there.
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[10 Apr 2008|09:24pm] |
so once in a blue moon i have to blog a proper post, with proper paragraphing and stuff. a post which is understandable to others. HAHA. okok. lets start with my school life so far. umm. i havent pass a single test yet, and i got zero for econs. not bad, i am quite dead. and yesterday i lost my bet. oh well. i am planning to try to refrain from vulgarities. i must do it. its getting quite a bad habit. thanks angelina and kriffith (if you do read it). i must start studying, its time for me to hit the books. i lost myself in everything. and i am losing my focus. so, i dont know. if you see my face drawing a blank, hit me okay?
tell me
tell me if i am going astray
tell me if i am lost hope
let me know if i am fumbling
let me be if i walk away
if i am gone, i will not look back
for now, i keep turning around
hoping to find something i have lost
because being with you is like heaven
i havent felt this way for awhile
the immediate jealousies stabbing into me
the lost joy flowing into my life
the covered light, shedding into my darkness
i will not let go till i die
even if i falter abit, dont go
even if i step out of line, stay by me
i will change bit by bit, for you
i know that you find me a nuisance
but please understand, i just want to be there
unless you throw me out, kick me away
i will stay there under the rain, in a corner
waiting for a day, to covet you over
for now, i will be silent, observing you
from the darkness, protecting you
cheering you up, so as to see your smile
if you leave me now, and end it all
i will fade away, back in to the war
the war where my soul is at stake
i will lose, because it is all up to fate
i never believe in fate, but now i do
cause of you, i believe that love
havent faded from my life
havent ended in that storm
till the day you dont want me in your life
i will cling on to the slightest hope
tell me if you hate me, if you dislike me
tell me, let me know, and i will disappear
i will walk out and never return
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[08 Apr 2008|09:41pm] |
is this where i hit a wall
and fall back and cry?
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[06 Apr 2008|10:38pm] |
the droplets fell, the sun went down
laid there sleeping, time is passing
the cuts, water under my eyes, pain
no where, no one to turn to, alone
a nightmare cage, blood smeared over the walls
my heart in pandora's box, locked away for eternity
no longer owning a soul, what is left is a shell
time will destroy memories, but now its eating me
bleed to death, no one will care
screaming for liberation, no one's hearing
what is left, is my nightmare
it is haunting me, i am dying
i opened my eyes, it is dark, the stars
shining brightly, staring at me with mockery
in a pool of blood i lay, a penknife in my hand - my
brain only registered what i did
beside me, my handphone, its screen
still on that cursed message, devastation
"i am sorry ... " the message's introduction
to the words i never want to see again
" ... you are just a friend"
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[05 Apr 2008|11:45pm] |
if i am lonely
will you keep me company?
if i am down and out
will you offer your hand?
if i am happy
will you share the joy with me?
if i am angry
will you calm me down?
if i need someone
will you be there for me?
to the questions above
i will answer yes without a second thought
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[05 Apr 2008|12:06am] |
a hundred questions on my mind
yet one stood out the most
i want to ask it to you
yet i am holding back, afraid
that it will leave me empty
that in the end everything will end
i dont want to lose someone again
pain beyond pain, to lose someone close
its more than anything i have felt
if i keep it with me to my grave
will i rest in peace? or sleep soundly
i guess not, someway or another, the question
will come out, but i hope
when that day arrives,
when my heart will let it out
that you will say yes
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[02 Apr 2008|10:57pm] |
i come to my blog, and i realised what i want to write here is no longer important anymore.
i just want to ask,
how does it feel to die?
the long road stretches out
like my brain being stretched
mentally unsound, unclear of my intentions
i lost my way, losing my attention
i stood still for a moment
and i inhale a deep breath
and let the smoke flow out
a moment of high, in the night
liberation? is this how it feels?
to be so clear about my actions
and not to worry about anything else
until i step back into life once again
life is like the result of my actions
the consequences of never ending impact
on the people's lives around me
i feel so two faced, like janus
i took a step back and laid down
and i see, my death, engulfing me
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[31 Mar 2008|07:33pm] |
i cant see a thing infront of me
i am so blind so numb to these
i hate this absurd place
its time this misery ends
i will kill for liberation
to put an end to this desperation
*bangs*
i shut my door now
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[30 Mar 2008|12:43am] |
lies, fakeness, more lies
facades, pain, tears
my life was based on that
concealing myself from hurt
but hurt was created within me
blood, so sweet, pain, so liberating
life isnt all about truths
lies arent all about faking
life is just another noun
a noun to describe all my actions
lies are concealment from truths
to prevent a two way conduit
of pain
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[27 Mar 2008|08:35pm] |
smoke, coughing, a puff
is that all i have left?
this stick of death
bringing me to my grave
the last company i keep
with me till i keel over and die
the cigarettes, the lighter
just to ease the pain a little
self mutilation never seem more pleasant
when your heart is in the hated haven
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[25 Mar 2008|10:22pm] |
if i say i love you
i will say it with conviction
but people will convict me
of attempting such a felony
in my jail cell, you never came
and there i stood, lonely, empty
and then,
i died in there.
death so intimidating
yet such a liberation
i embrace it with open arms
death engulf me, leave nothing behind
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[25 Mar 2008|06:50pm] |
stared out the window,
onto the endless road
my mind's on you,
cant help but miss you
a single tear dropped
the present is such a flop
one more final action
across, past that imaginary line
my past will surface
my future will blaze
burning up all that mattered
not that anything is anymore
tell me, one more shot?
to what, to ending my life?
why not lets get down to it
since my...
life is just love and lies
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[24 Mar 2008|05:53pm] |
everyday we just keep drifting
away from each other, till
there's a wall in between
me and you, forever and ever
my fault, my actions, blame me
i lie down here alone, it ends now.
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[23 Mar 2008|10:40pm] |
to tell you how much you mean to me
to be let down, and feel so normal
its just unnatural, to be just me
ever since i met you, on that night
it just doesnt fit does it?
or maybe i dont see things right
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[22 Mar 2008|11:00pm] |
today was really one of the better days this week.
the ajc practise, the pepper lunch lunch, the rushing home than to jurong than back to the web, than dinner, than a nice sparring session (a painful one, for me).
up at the top, the cool wind
lying down, on the web, smoking
i gaze up, what a scene
the stars, my thoughts, interwined
the belt of orion, three stars
three people on my mind,
they are so near yet so far
i see a star, brightly it shines
my thoughts switch to you
eventhough i was never truthful
not to you at least,
i called, hoping to hear your voice
the smoke, more smoke, like clouds
clouding my actions my mind my sanity
i feel like a fake, a fraud
in the end, i gave myself to insanity
i looked up, the star, you
you and me, sounds wonderful
i refused to mention
how much, how much, i missed you
i lied back again, the web
the place to be, our place
your playground, now mine
blissfulness and satisfaction
i heard your voice,
but now it seems so wrong
i regretted throwing that letter
that letter of my truth to you
now now, i am so lost
like the lone star in the sky
staring down at humanity
the callous, the unkind
like a fly, stuck in the spiderweb
trapped in my own traps
the last flick, the ash spreads
the end, of my kindness to others
my friends
one day, if i go astray
dont let me fall away
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[21 Mar 2008|12:38am] |
for once
i am truly speechless
i really have nothing to say now
i am such a joke.
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[18 Mar 2008|07:23pm] |
if i tell you a million lies
will you believe at least one?
if i tell you one single truth
you wouldnt believe it i promise
why do people tend to overthink?
i do, all the time, because i try to second guess others.
hahahh. maybe i should stop. cuz i tend to get very pissed with myself after that.
it makes me feel like a manipulator. like the evil IAGO.
school. was. emo. with. me. being. an. irritant. now. and. then.
i hate myself now.
really.
i am so fake i swear. like plastic.
_______________________________
in my world, this holding place
its always filled with darkness
no hope, no faith, no smiles
only masks, pessimism and tears
i kneeled down, and touch the floor
pain rushing in my nerves, intensity
i stand up looking for a way out, any door
i stared at my pierced hands, bloody
i stared up and there was light
curious i was, it is so bright
"God? is that you?" i cried
and the light threw me out from my hell
i looked at my surroundings,
peace and love, serenity
my heart seems lighter, happier
i am high, because i am freed
i looked up and saw your dear face.
if God in my world is a girl,
it will be you girl. :D
_______________________________
you never realised it,
till its finally gone
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[17 Mar 2008|07:30pm] |
smoke smoke and more smoke.
i never really noticed you till today.
you are charming, and addictive
now i really know what i want
i really hope this time
i can make everything happen
two of us, forever?
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[16 Mar 2008|01:24am] |
ha ha ha ha
it is over
ha .. ha .. ha....
sighh
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